When you break up with someone there is typically a period of anger and hurt felt by both parties. Many times these feelings stay the same or even heighten over time. This can lead to bitterness and resentment and generally everyone suffers. This includes the man and woman, the children, the rest of the family, and even their friends. When I first met a divorced couple who were not only civil, but actually friendly with each other, I had to find out more.
This couple had been married for eleven years and had two young children. They had gone through many difficulties during their marriage, including financial problems, the illness of a child, and a short affair by one of them. Immediately after the separation they stopped speaking to one another. The children were taken to the grandmother’s home on Friday by the woman and picked up later that afternoon by the father. The reverse happened on Sunday evening. This went on for almost two years.
One day the couple ran into each other at the supermarket. The children were still at school and they had an opportunity to speak to each other briefly while they were in line to check out. The anger they both had felt so strongly had begun to subside. They decided to drop off the children that Friday and let the children see them together. The children were so young when they had separated that they had no memory of ever seeing their mother and father together. They met at the grandmother’s house the next Friday and spent about fifteen minutes talking while the grandmother got the children ready to go with their father for the weekend. That was over a year ago. This man and woman have become friends and have moved on to a new stage in their relationship.
Why would people even want to remain friends after they split up? Should they try to be friends, or is that just a bad idea? Here are three reasons that it can be an extremely good idea to be friends with your ex-husband or ex-wife:
- The children will have a chance to see you together. Children love each of their parents. They feel real joy when they experience these two special people in their lives at the same time. If you are able to have a friendly relationship with your ex your children will thank you for it later.
- When you start a new relationship that person will see that you have made an attempt to work through the feelings and experiences that led up to your divorce or separation. They will see you as a forgiving, logical person that deals with life in a mature way.
- You will feel happier about your life. Our experiences throughout our lives mold us into the people that we are. Life is much more enjoyable if we let go of bitter, angry feelings we hold about others. Refuse to allow anyone else to limit the happiness we can bring to our lives.
These three reasons are the most important ones for staying friends with an ex. It can be beneficial to each person as well as to the other people in their life. One person must take the first step and extend the olive branch. Don’t allow you life to go by without making a big effort to reach a place of forgiveness and understanding with someone who you may have spent many years with. Your life will be better off by doing this as soon as you possibly are able to. So just go for it. Take a chance and become friends with your ex.
Connie Ragen Green is a motivational author and speaker. To find out more about having a good relationship visit http://www.SexandtheSevenYearItch.com
Tags: Connie Ragen Green, divorce, ex-husband, ex-wife